LESSONS!!!

OK, your average lesson at college will be 1-3 hours long and will mainly consist of you sitting on your arse - probably hung over - trying to work out what the hell you are doing out of bed at 9am. Depending on which lesson it is, you may be able to sleep. If it's an English-y type lesson, bury your head in a book and sleep. If it's science-y type lesson. You're buggered. You have to answer every question with "In terms of electrons? Or would you like and equation?" the teacher will waffle on about something and you can put your head on the desk and try not to die. If you are in June's lesson, GET OUT! Before she moves you to the other side of the room/starts telling you her life story/giving you past papers/talking about studies you need to know/etc. She is poison and you MUST escape.

Lessons are usually held in a classroom, but there are exceptions. Like the A2 biology lesson where you go onto the front of the college and take soil samples. For revision, some teachers tell you to bugger off and work quietly somewhere. The resource room is good for this, as (if Jon “I’m a fascist bastard” Holmes isn’t there) you can make oodles of noise and annoy lessons on either side of the room.

Different lessons will consist of:

• “Syllabus Work” (sitting making notes as the teacher talks about something and then remembering to revise it before the exams)

• “Exam Practice” (sitting in silence for 1 ½ hours doing a past paper)

• “Coursework” (doing coursework. You could “Do a Banyer” and leave all your coursework until March, as you feel it infringes your right to do nothing for 9 months. But this approach can mean staying up until 3am every night doing it)

• “Revision” (ah, yes, the dreaded word. When the teacher says the R-Word, you know it’s almost time for an exam. So do some revision or you will be stuck in college for a third year and annoying all the 1^st years, because “When you were their age…”)

• “Teacher Absent” (you will learn to love the piece of A4 which Pam has stuck to the door of your classroom when your teacher is absent. You will love the feeling you get when you realize your lesson is cancelled. You have to carry on with the work you’ve been doing/research something on the internet (good chance to get on MSN) or REVISE. The best thing to do is spend half the lesson doing what you can of the work, and stopping when you feel like it. The teacher will not know weather you did the work during the lesson or when you got home and did it in front of Eastenders, IF YOU MAKE A GOOD JOB OF IT. Always make sure the work is done).